okay pat passed out under dana's car
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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