first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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