That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
