I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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