We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
