I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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