u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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