His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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