We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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