i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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