and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i have two assholes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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