I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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