From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
