mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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