I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
