i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
