I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
