It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
