if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize