I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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