True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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