it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!