we have officially lost it.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.