Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Randomize
Follow @tfln