The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.