I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
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we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..