his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize