He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize