we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize