yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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