Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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