Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
