I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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