What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.