laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?