happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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