So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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