The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
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we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?