Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.