It's a beautiful day for a hangover
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?