Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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