4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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