yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
