Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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