At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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