I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize