question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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