We won't sleep together?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
