Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
