What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
