So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
