I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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