covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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