Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
