sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Less talking, more tequila
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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