If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I would ride that face into the sunset
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize