My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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