DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
COCAINE IS GR8
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